MONSTRESS

"All my life, I thought of love as some kind of voluntary enslavement.
Well, that’s a lie: freedom only exists when love is present. The
person who feels freest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly.

It hurt when I lost each of the various men I fell in love with. Now,
though, I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns
anyone.

That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it."

"Life is too short or too long for me to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly."

"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the
things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink
things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more
than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that,
isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your
secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would
love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly
only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what
you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you
almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When
the secret stays locked whithin not for want of a teller but for want
of an understanding ear."

"Please–tame me!" he said

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me…"

"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me–like that–in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day…"

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose–" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose…"

"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

I could not forget that frightful night when the kissing monster first attacked me.

I was lying on my bed, chewing my self-bitten fingernail when the kissing monster unexpectedly appeared with his exaggeratedly puckered lips covered with saliva, threatening to kiss me. His distorted face was terribly disgusting. I almost choked on a large bit of my half-chewed fingernail when I screamed, “Nooo! Get away from me, eeeeeh..!”

But the kissing monster didn’t seem to hear me because the more I screamed, the more he inched his way towards me. Disgust turned into fear so I decided to cover my face with my hands in case the kissing monster would evilly kiss my face first. The mere idea of his mouth on my face sent a gush of adrenaline through my legs so I began kicking wildly, hoping it would convince the kissing monster to give up his diabolical scheme.

Unfortunately, my determined kicks ended up wasted for after a couple of seconds his lips were only an inch away from my face - allowing me to feel his rapid breathing and perfectly hear the stupid smooching noises he made. My instinct made me press my hands even harder into my face as I shook my head and squirmed in different directions while the kissing monster frantically searched for an opening to my face.

Well, it turned out that the kissing monster is a really impatient creature. Ignoring my protected face, the kissing monster swiftly planted his first sloppy kiss on my neck. *SMOOCH* His lips felt cold against my skin because of the thick saliva that came with it. I was totally repulsed as I felt his monstrous saliva evaporating from my neck so I started struggling even harder, wrestling with the kissing monster.

Apparently, the kissing monster was abnormally happy with his first kiss because he decided to continue osculating my arm. His kisses were small, wet, and swift - just like the first. Small – yeah he gave me small kisses even though his lips were puckered and slightly open, eew. After hearing like, a dozen *SMOOCHES* on my arm, my horror intensified as the kissing monster moved on to randomly osculate my stomach, my bellybutton, my chest, my other arm, my legs – practically everywhere! *GASP*

My brain probably hanged for a second with its desire to grasp what the hell was happening - how the kissing monster managed to kiss swiftly and consistently through my entire body despite my protests. For that split second I was unable to move, and that was how the kissing monster successfully kissed my face. The pressure of his lips on my face made my brain jolt out of its second-long coma, enabling me to feel his wild kisses – which felt more like licks from a Chihuahua.

Tremendous revolt led me to struggle so hard - it killed my senses. That’s why when I came around, the kissing monster was gone. I gave out a sigh of relief. But arrrgh, the kissing monster left me so wet – wet with saliva, that is. I wanted to clean my every pore with an antiseptic but because I was weak with anxiety, I fell asleep.

And so that was the first time. And it was followed with a second and a third, and a n++ time. I really lost count of how many times the kissing monster showed up to kiss me since he comes to me when I’m most off-guard. Whether I was reading at my favorite corner, or dancing under the sun, or peeling the paint off my room’s wall, or riding the car, or watching TV, or staring at nothing, or whatever, the kissing monster just suddenly attacks. Paranoid as I am as a result of his first “visit” - I never figured out when he would come.

What is strange here though, is that the kissing monster doesn’t visit me that often anymore. He used to come almost every day, but now thrice a week is “often”. What’s even stranger is that I’m longing for him - I think I miss the kissing monster.

Yeah, you read that right. I miss him. I miss his attacks. I miss his gruesomely puckered lips. I miss being frightened by him. I miss the adrenaline rush. I miss our wrestles. I miss covering my face and screaming and kicking. And most of all, I miss his small, swift, wet, and sloppy kisses. I miss the kissing monster. Arrgh!

Is there something wrong with me? Why do I miss the kissing monster? Is it possible to desire someone you truly despise?

Well, let me clarify that I still dread the kissing monster. But at the same time, I want his kisses. His kisses somehow uh, arouse me? Not sexually, dummy – but more of spiritually? I dunno. I guess I am not making any sense here.

Anyway, have I mentioned that I get to speak with the kissing monster? And I spoke with him a while ago. Not directly though, because the kissing monster actually appears through this guy – or rather this guy decides whether to be a kissing monster or not.

“Hey Vammie, can you be the kissing monster again?”

Vammie naughtily looked at me and started to exaggeratedly pucker his lips…

“Hey are you the kissing monster now?” I asked, getting anxious.

…and relaxes his lips again. Normal mode.

“Nope.” Vammie said, running away. “I’m Power Ranger Blue Shark!!!”, he announced.

I sighed. When will the kissing monster come to attack me again?

 The Kissing Monster

Espesyal ang araw na ito dahil sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon pagkatapos ng isang linggong hindi pagsusuklay ay nagawa kong isuklay ang buhok ko. Wala talaga akong balak mag-ayos ngayon pero sa ganitong init ng summer, nagbago ang isip ko.

Paghawak ko sa buhok ko naramdaman kong nanigas na ang mga nagkumpulang buhok. Kaya naman halos matanggal na ang mga ngipin ng pekeng hair doctor ko - na nabili ko sa Lots for Less sa halagang limang piso lamang - sa pilit kong pagtanggal sa mga buhol-buhol.

Ba’t daw kasi sobrang tamad kong magsuklay, ang laging tanong ni ermat sakin. Well paliwanag ko sa kanya, lagi lang naman akong nakatambay sa bahay - ba’t pa ako magsusuklay? At dagdag ko pa, wag na siyang maki-alam dahil buhok ko naman ‘to. Kaya naman ilang beses na akong nabatukan ni ermat. Wala na rawng pagkakaiba ang buhok namin ni Uncle Bob dahil di ko inaalagaan. Sabi ko buti pa nga nagpadreadlocks na lang ako. Gumulong ang mata ni ermat. Alam kong di na ako makakapasok sa bahay kapag ginawa ko ‘yon.

Ang gusto ko sana isang buwan kong hindi susuklayin ang buhok ko. Kahit na kailangan kong umalis ng bahay at humarap sa ibang tao, di pa rin ako magsusuklay. Kung bakit eh wala lang, trip ko lang. Kaso nga, andyan lagi si ermat para pigilan ang mga simpleng kaligayahan ko.

Sumasakit ang tenga ko kapag nagsimula na ang paulit-ulit na sermon nya. Babae raw ako, dapat daw maayos. Dapat daw malinis. Dapat blah, blah, blah… at dapat magsuklay para maganda.

Eh maganda naman ako kahit di nagsusuklay ah! Wahehehe… At malinis naman ako dahil araw-araw akong naliligo.

Pero kahit na, nakakadiri pa rin daw ako sabi ni ermat. Ano na lang daw ang iisipin ng mga tao? Na di nya ako inaalagaan? Na di nya ako pinagsasabihan? Nakakahiya raw.

Haaay, as if naman mahalaga ang opinyon ng ibang tao.

Anyway, nagsuklay na nga ako kanina. Habang dumadaan ang mga ngipin ng hairdoc sa scalp ko, isa-isang bumagsak ang mga naglalakihang balakubak. Parang umulan ng snow sa pagligid ko. Tiningnan kong mabuti yung mga balakubak at naisip kong pwede na silang gawing oatmeal. Nagutom tuloy ako. Haay, kelangan ko nanamang gumamit ng anti-dandruff shampoo. Eto ang consequence ‘pag di nagsusuklay.

Pagkatapos, bigla kong naramdaman ang sobrang kati ng ulo ko, kaya’t kinamot ko ‘to ng husto hangga’t maramdaman kong parang dudugo na ang scalp ko. Masarap na mahapdi.

‘Yun, naligo na rin ako pagkatapos dahil sa sobrang init ng panahon at para na rin makapag-shampoo (anti-dandruff) na ako. Tama, talagang espesyal ang araw na ‘to dahil first time rin pagkatapos ng ’sang linggo makaktikim ng shampoo ang buhok ko. At para kumpleto, nagconditioner na rin ako.

Malamang magpapa-party si ermat oras na malaman nya ‘to.

Happy Mother’s Day Ermat!

"akbay ni ermat"

I woke up in the middle of the day, in the middle of the climax of my fairy tale dream, in the middle of my bed, having the gravest urge to pee. Eyes half-closed, I staggered to the bathroom, removed my shorts and undie, sat on the toilet seat and peed my life away.

But alas, when I stood up to flush the toilet I saw the most wonderful thing I’ve ever seen in my history of peeing. Purple piss. Like grape juice. I started to drool. I have this craving for grape juice since last week, iced grape juice to be exact, cuz the summer heat is burning my soul. My purple piss, so purple, purr-puhl, so grape juice-like. Arrrrrgh!

Not able to resist it any longer, my excited brain decided to give my purple piss a shot. A shot in the glass. I got a sandok and started pouring my purple piss in a glass till it’s half-full. Then I hurried to the fridge, got four ice cubes, and dunked each of them to the half-filled glass of purple piss ’til it was filled to the brim.

I could smell it now, gosh, it even smells like grape juice! Yum! Salivating, I gulped a mouthful of my purple piss. Aaaaah, bliss.

I licked my lips, the top lip, then the lower lip… aaaaack!!! My tongue… shit, a lil hand just slapped my face! Wtf?! I started to taste blood. goddammit! Damn. It.

"Ate Kwing-Kwing, wake up, wake up! Mum o, Ate’s not waking up!! Wake up Ate Kriiing!!!", Vammie screamed at my terrified eardrums while shaking my head wildly with his lil hands.

—
monster’s black-hole eyes
sop my soul to another
time and dimension
—
infinite sadness
my heart pumps purple tears for
you and you alone
—
wall-creeping shadows
paint the world dark black, sucking
light out of my life
—
my stupid haikus
are tormenting your provoked
hypothalamus
—
you are reading these
non-sensical words running
in and out your brain
               
wondering why you
are reading weeza’s insane
poems and articles

because now that you’re
going through this third haiku
there’s something funny

not funny ha-ha
but funny odd, funny strange
a funny feeling

of vomit forming
in your gut longing to be
set free, free, free from

your body whose eyes
and brain are still hanging on
the pathetic lines

of these five-seven-
five syllabic haikus, oh
these poor, poor haikus.
—

I believe that imagination is more powerful than knowledge.
That myth is more potent than history.
That dreams are more important than facts.
That hope always triumphs over experience.
That laughter is the only cure for grief.
And i believe that love is stronger than death.

– from Robert Fulghrum’s "All I Need To Know, I Learned From Kindergarten"

Aaarrrggghh! Friendster’s Blogs are bug-infested! Fucking Friendster programmers!

Delete her old blog,
Weeza was forced to cuz of
this annoying fact.

My apologies to those who commented on my previous blog, apprently your comments were deleted as well. Feel free to comment again. Ayt!

Welcum once again to my Blah Blah Blog.